People make life challenging, rewarding, and most of all spectacular.
Working with people is challenging. I have been working since after school with people who I do not have much in common with other than leadership. The bickering over plans and the drama is so frustrating. Trusting people to do what is needed can be infuriating. Dealing with all the different motivations generally tramples me. Everyone has different lives, yet we are all so similar. Sometimes I wish I could magically work better with my fellow peers, but the marvel of humanity is that a few steps outside my comfort zone can significantly make a difference in my social life and my goals.
Then there are friends. I want the best for my friends, but I make friends with people who go through real challenges in life. While my friends may not be superficial, I try too hard to make their lives better. After reading about Meursault in the Stranger, I realize that I cannot push my beliefs and ideas upon people, but I also know that society exists and if people do care, they have to deal with society. But I try too hard to make my friends lives more balanced and happy. I don't understand my friends entirely and I wish I could stop trying to control them and make their lives better, but usually I just end up trying to fix them like they are a hospital patient. I care about my friends, but I just want to be a good and fun friend. Being chill, being myself is incredibly difficult for me. But I keep doing different things to form my opinions and interests; hopefully this will establish my so-called "fun" side.
But the worst thing is love. I want love so badly, but when I fall in love it seems to hurt so much. I hate the pain, but I sort of love it. I love being in love. I love caring about something. When I am not in love the emptiness is quite unbearable. I don't even know if it is really love, but to realize that that love is in the hands of someone else makes my heart throb. I want it so badly, but it now is really out of reach. And that just makes me love more.
"Kalemba (Wegue Wegue)" - Buraka Som Sistema
Angolan music is awesome.
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